The Showtorious Relationship Series Episode 1: Loving Yourself

The Showtorious Relationship Series

Episode 1: Loving Yourself

Forget loving myself; there was a time in my life where I did not LIKE myself.

It was May of 2000 when I hit a personal low.

I’d been in a couple relationships where I got burned; I was out of style, out of shape and had no social direction. Those relationships were fresh out of high school, so I never actually got into the dating game. Yes, it was depressing. I thought I’d end up alone for the rest of my life because of my obscure social handicap. It was at that point in my life where I would need an intense personal evaluation.

Shortly after the latest breakup I went home to Chicago to get my spirits back and think about who I really wanted to be. I was always known for playing it safe and being conservative with EVERYTHING. I was a little overprotected growing up so I think it played a role in why I was so quiet. I didn’t play sports, I didn’t go to parties I was just THERE, going through the motions. I was completely unhappy. It was time to discover who I truly was and then embrace that person.

When I returned, I lost a little weight.

I trashed and replaced all my old clothes.

I also cut off my signature curl that I kept through most of high school.

I got my eyebrow pierced.

I effectively stopped responding to Wesley in public and filed for a legal alias.

I’d been writing for a while under the moniker The Showstopper and had marginal success. I also ran a web site, 2dope.com that was a full scale online magazine. I even had about 10 writers under me. We had wrestling columns, sports columns and my blog, all generating big hits; in fact without being listed on any search engine we broke the million hit mark in less than a year.  It wasn’t too shabby. When I was writing, I was FREE to be me; away from the judgments of society and the conformity of the workplace. The Showstopper was technically me, unedited.

I slowly became more liberal with my before-hidden style of thinking. My speech pattern also changed. Publicly, I went from shy and mumbled to firm speaking, funny and confident. I liked who I became as an artist and considering where I wanted my life to go in the future it was time to embrace that change.

The smart, conservative and shy kid from Valley named Wesley died in 2000.  Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, the Showstopper re-emerged as Show-Wesley; the well rounded extraordinary man and precursor to the Show’Chi you all know and love.

Me of the present: doing the model thang.

The combined force of me no longer suppressing my personality along with honest to goodness common sense and the gentleman manners that my parents instilled in me transformed me into a social beast.  I’ve never looked back. With the exception of my time being married, I was never considered a social misfit ever again. To this day, I never knew WHY I never embraced my artistic side; I halfway wish I did in high school, but I’m glad I did eventually because this side of me– the side I am right now is the true me!

The moral of this story:

Have you ever heard the phrase, you can’t love someone else until you love yourself?

I felt inadequate and unattractive. Instead of stalling out accepting mediocrity and unhappiness, I did something about it. If you don’t like yourself, then change. If you feel like you’re living under a false standard, eliminate that standard and DO YOU. The only judge that matters in the world is yourself and God. Do right by both of them and you’re on the right path. It’s only going to lead to confidence, which isn’t a bad thing. Ask anyone, a confident person is a SEXY person. Once you start feeling yourself, there are no limits on how far you can go because when you’re confident you won’t allow anyone or anything to bring you down. Yes, there may be times where you will be disappointed with life events, but as long as you love yourself the chance of emotional recovery is 100%.

Questions for self evaluation:

Who am I?

Who do I want to be?

How will I change?

What’s holding me back?

Only you can answer most of these questions. As for the last question, the answer is NOTHING.

Nothing is holding you back from improving and moving forward in life. You just have to put your mind to it and do it! It’s going to take hard work and sometimes substantial time, but it can be done.  Believe in yourself. If you don’t, that’s okay. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Just remember that even though you may not believe in and love yourself, Jesus (or whichever higher power you believe in) does. Take solace in that and embrace it. It’ll eventually rub off.

-Show’Chi

 

That Concierge Life Episode 2: Pimp MY Ride

That Concierge Life

Episode 2: Pimp MY Ride

A month ago I was in a great relationship. We were preparing to go into overdrive in regard to moving in together, I got the hookup on a diamond for a ring in the cut of her choice and we booked a cruise for this fall where I planned on presenting her with said diamond. The end result would have been happily ever after…

My 2007 Ford 500

Today, I find myself at 32 and suddenly single. My car has been totaled due to an accident (same day as the breakup), and am in the midst of working every single hour of overtime available in order to obtain a down payment for the next ride. Then, after that I need to focus on paying these legal fees off to my attorney and finally getting a place of my own, without the crutch of a roommate. 2012 has taken a turn for the challenging, hasn’t it? God works in mysterious ways; I’ve accepted that and am at peace with the hand I was dealt. After all, I survived the car accident and am ALIVE to be writing this blog. How awesome is that?

My destiny of happily ever after is still on the horizon, it’s just going to have take some patience and hard work, which is a challenge I’m definitely up for. My personal trajectory has changed, as I hinted in the Series Finale of Keeping Up.

I’m busting out 10+ hours of OT each week and am only eating decent foods; meanwhile I’ve all but ignored my social life and have gone into a realm of dedication that I’ve never gone before. I got accepted into a new program at work designed to fast track me into management. The workplace has always treated me like the chosen one, so I give 100% to what I do. In fact, on Tuesday I get my first slice of a managerial role as I get to play department supervisor for a shift. Didn’t I tell you that soon they will call me commander? Well, count Tuesday as a precursor to my ascension.

Next week I plan on also purchasing a new car.  It would be my 5^th vehicle, but really it would be MY 3^rd vehicle. I’ll explain.

2000 Plymouth Neon

I LOVED my first car. It was a Gold 2000 Plymouth Neon. I blacked out the windows and upgrades to one of those cool Sony sound systems that disappeared when the vehicle was turned off. It didn’t have power everything, but it has pretty good performance and was affordable and stylish. I remember rolling around with Eddie that year bumping Mystical’s Shake Ya Ass and Cash Money’s #1 Stunna while we, pierced up, young, tipsy and fearless ran the city like bosses!

2dope: Circa 1999-2000 Eddie and Me

My Neon was totaled in my first car accident. I got rear ended during on my way home from work in the rain, sending me flying into the intersection where I got T-boned by an oncoming truck; I walked away with minor injuries to my back. A few weeks later, I took the insurance settlement money and got into my first dream car; a 2001 Pontiac Grand Am.

It was Chicago Bulls red and came with a 6 CD changer to go along with a premium sound system. Though it didn’t have power windows (it was a coupe) I got my first clicker for the door locks and alarm. Yeah, I was feeling myself with this one. Along with it being a perfect match for my ego, I picked up the infamous 2dope 1 license plate that has occupied my every car since. That car was my pride and joy… until I got with the woman I eventually married.  Shortly after moving in together, her car bit the dust and I had to share. No longer was it the cool early 20’s car of Showtorious, it was OUR car. Soon, her sister came along to move with us. Of course, she was carless too. My car went from having low mileage and being clean to complete disaster status. By the 3^rd year I was close to 60,000 miles and I was struggling to maintain it. Though the three of us shared my car I could never get them to actually help take care of that piece. There I go, being too nice. The destruction of my Grand Am should have told me something about that relationship, because I divorced her less than 2 years into our marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t divorce her due to the car—- the girl was certifiably insane, THAT is why I divorced her.

2001 Pontiac Grand Am

In 2006 the Grand Am was on its last legs. The interior looked like death, it had a serious misfire problem and the check engine light would not go off. I had a diagnostic done to it and there was about $1800 in repairs to do JUST to get the light off. At the same time, that $1800 wouldn’t help the value of it OR assist me in paying registration which was coming due within a matter of days. I traded it.

I wanted to get out of living with my parents post divorce, so I needed something economical and easy on gas mileage. The 2007 Focus caught my eye and short of a sun roof it was fully loaded AND 3% under invoice as I worked for Ford Credit at the time. I picked it up on September 1^st, 2006. I loved the concept of that car. It pulled 34 miles to the gallon, has a decent sound system and was cheap on the maintenance. What I didn’t realize however was that it was the last of a dying breed of Ford vehicles; as evidenced by its complete redesign for 2008 to go along with Ford’s new quality strategy. Suddenly, I felt like I got duped into taking off their inventory. Though I dubbed it as the Batmobile due to my time with the Justice League of Las Vegas, it never felt like ME… it was just another car to get me from point A to B.

Over the next 4 years, my armrest broke, seat lost shape and the engine became a liability. The transmission slowly began to slip and eventually the engine sounded like that of a diesel truck. It wasn’t a pretty picture. Since I had no extended warranty and all the problems started AFTER 36,000 miles I was stuck in it. Eventually I stopped caring.

2007 Ford Focus

I still washed it and tried to do right by it, but I just couldn’t afford to do all the repairs. Every time I went to the shop for an oil change it was a $600 or more estimate. Also my rear brakes were getting to the point where it was hard to stop. It would have been another $300 to change them.

I tried to trade that sucker twice in 2011. Once in June and again in November; in June I was successful, but I turned down the deal as it was for a Nissan Frontier, a truck I had no desire to keep. It would have ended up costing me a house note if I stayed in that vehicle. I gave it up and unhappily took my Focus back.

With the Focus on its last legs, I had to come up with a plan. I needed something bigger, yet more affordable. I had a baby on the way and my girlfriend had a toddler. The child seat in the Focus was a mess due to the lack of backseat space. TWO child seats would have been a horrible thing. I also wanted more of a trunk, as I had the hatchback model.

After being told I had too much negative equity in my Focus, I got desperate and had to make moves. I conjured up a cool plan to get another car and I would simple GIVE the Focus back to Ford; or a voluntary repossession. I would use a bad credit dealer, get into something decent based on my income and just keep it moving. What I got was a substantial upgrade, a 2007 Ford 500. Though it was the same year as my Focus, it was HUGE, had a more powerful engine and the same sound system. Though it lacked the flair I was used to in my prior cars, I was happy as this was the car that would become my first FAMILY vehicle. We could get the kids in there, everything was powered up for convenience and the trunk was formidable for FAMILY grocery shopping. It was perfect! So what the gas would be a burden, as a family we could handle this. It was only a matter of time until my girl started work and we’d be sharing responsibilities. While she’d handle the car situation, I’d hold down the house. It was going to work out!

Now, about that SINGLE thing again:  As noted in paragraph #2… I’m single again and the Ford 500 has been totaled. Sounds like Hell to some people, but like I said my destiny is happily ever after; Jesus says so. If he didn’t, he could have taken my life on May 3^rd WITHOUT allowing me to see the Avengers that night. Not only did I get up out of the hospital in time for the midnight showing of the Avengers, he’s given me all kinds of opportunities professionally, he’s introduced me to a few new people and he’s instilled that DRIVE in me to not only be me again, but to become the ULTIMATE Showtorious. I’ve been watching too much Marvel Universe, I know.

Umm… no.

Suddenly, everything is getting better and so am I. I’m not worried about another relationship at the moment and I’m no longer concerned with making babies. I’m in it for ME. My mistake was that I was looking for someone to COMPLETE ME.

No mortal should complete another. You should complete yourself and then when someone comes along, they should COMPLEMENT you; as together two people who are complete, confident, secure and happy are UNSTOPPABLE… especially when GOD is part of each of your completions.

When I’m complete, along with MY new car, MY new home and MY shiny new COMMANDER title at work then maybe I’ll be interested in something again.  Until then I’m having a ‘me party’ and I’m the life of it!

So, what type of car says Ultimate Showtorious? Well, first of all— let’s lose that Ultimate tag… sounds weird. I will let you call me Showtorious Prime. Just not in public… on Twitter and stuff. LOL 

I’ve been rolling around in a 2012 Chevy Malibu and OH MY GOODNESS; it’s everything I ever wanted in a car, except for the leather seats… not a fan. Other than that, it’s has power everything, satellite radio, an auxiliary audio port with Bose sound system and a SUN ROOF!

I always wanted a sun roof. If my next car doesn’t have a sun roof, then it better be pretty amazing! My top choices are said Malibu, a Nissan Juke or Altima and maybe a Sentra. I’d even deal with a pre owned Lexus, as it’s been a goal of mine for a while. I got offered a 2008 Lexus IS350 today for $14,995. Sick!

Of course, my credit is going to dictate what I actually end up with. It’s damaged, but without a current car loan (after the payoff is complete) and the income I pull every month I shouldn’t have an issue getting approved, albeit with a nasty interest rate. Not super concerned though, as long as the payment is right and I’m comfortable with the vehicle.

The next few weeks are definitely going to be an interesting ride. Maybe I should film it and throw it on Youtube… A Showtoriously Authentic return? Hmmm… we’ll see. Till then you know where to find me. Right here… and on Twitter and Instagram @Showtorious.

-Show’Chi

 

That Concierge Life — Episode 1: The Tip Drill

That Concierge Life

Episode 1: The Tip Drill

Times change; people change; things just change.

                Good, bad or indifferent, change is a part of evolution. In order for us to thrive we must embrace that which is unknown and then mold it into what we desire. – Show’Chi Drake 

Yeah, THAT guy is back… but not today.

For those who are new, allow me to reintroduce myself. My name is Show’Chi. I’m an artist of the spoken word and a freelance writer. I blog, do poetry,  parodies, sports editorials, short stories and erotic literature. I also do a little acting when the opportunity presents itself. Though my artistic qualities are plenty, I’m so much more than the average cat. 

As for my day job; I am a Concierge for one of Las Vegas’ hottest hotels. This means a few things… 1.) I know where all the hot spots are. 2.) I can probably get the hook up one way or another on an off peak night and 3.) If it’s not VIP, it’s not for me! 4.) I don’t pay for shit!

With great power however, comes great responsibility. So I keep it modest. As long as it doesn’t interfere with actual business, 9 times out of 10 I can get a deal. This also explains why I’m powerless on the weekend. Seriously, if we can pull $7500 on a poolside cabana easily, why would my host even THINK about doing a complementary offer for the same product? To make matters worse, a lot of these ingrates folks in Vegas have no concept of how to tip on free outings.

Free bottles are a good thing. Everyone likes bottle service, but nobody wants to pay for that piece. So when a club promoter breaks you off a bottle of Goose, Hell, even if it’s a cheap bottle of alcohol, SOME kind of gratuity is customary. If you can’t tip, you shouldn’t go out. These people are breaking their backs to make you smile and your cheap ass won’t break them off a dub? They could have charged $300 for that $30 bottle of vodka, but nah, they offered it to you and your ratchet ass crew.

Then you have the nerve to get mad when they throw you off that table after drinking the bottle in 30 minutes and not reaching into your wallet for even a little bit of change. On to the next, buddy; this is business. At least the fools coming into behind you are actually going to pay for the service. 

If you are money conscience, it’s okay to decline free stuff. That sounds crazy, but when you’re talking about a breach of etiquette, that’s just being realistic.  At least you didn’t burn a bridge with your promoter friend, or the concierge who set it up for you.

The only time not tipping is acceptable is when you’re the one who set things up and just happen to be attending with your civilian friends. You made it possible, you drinking free with no tip is your tip.

Hey, that’s that Concierge life. – Show’Chi

PS: The Showtorious Relationship Series is Coming Soon!

The Series Finale: Prelude to Destiny

Keeping Up With the Khidashian

Series Finale: Prelude to Destiny

Three months is much too long of a commercial break for this reality show; the creativity has always been there, but the time has a mind of its own, unfortunately. I picked up a few more responsibilities on the job, lost a friend, lost a child, lost a family and recently lost a car, but you’ll be pleased to know that I’m still standing and more importantly, still smiling.

Not that your smile can’t go away for a while; we all have bad days, but it’s how you regain your smile that sets you right.

I’m not going to rehash the things I went through; the people I love know what’s up and that’s enough. Today is about redirection. Someone I cared about greatly told me that you should never lose yourself in someone else. It took me a minute, but I fully comprehend now and I must activate my drive no longer for the greater good of others, but for the greater good of myself.

I pride myself on being a good man; a future husband, a hard worker and an artist. I made sacrifices to spread myself into the ultimate family man and though I hold no regrets, I concede my mistakes. So today I stand solo, stronger; focused and ready to take the future in my own hands.

I’ve spent too many of my years trying to prove myself to others; trying to do the right thing; trying to make the right moves trying to make things… just right.

I only have to prove myself to God… and that– I shall.

 Rise and shine people… the Showtorious you know and love has returned. Tomorrow is a new day.

Keeping Up Quickly (Another Short, but Important One)

Keeping Up With the Khidashian

Keeping Up Quickly (Another Short, but Important One)

My apologies about yesterday’s post; I didn’t mean to make people worry about me. I’m okay. Maybe it was the abundance of caffeine I took down over the last 48 hours or maybe it was my first tax refund in years making me uneasy (I’m not used to NOT being broke) but I assure you, I’m good.

I had a good night’s sleep and am having a good day at work. This weekend I get to see my family and a bunch of my friends at two separate parties and for goodness sakes, I’m GOING TO FREAKING DISNEYLAND next weekend for vacation!!!

My Main Mutt Pluto

Truthfully I’m going to be emotionally temperamental for little while as I mourn off and on, but that’s a natural thing, I guess. Like I said during my farewell blog a couple days ago, she’s become my Angel… she wants me to live the good life and that I have. I’ll continue to give thanks to her every day.

I would like to take the time out to invite those in the Las Vegas area to Greater St James Missionary Baptist Church on February 19^th, as I am getting baptized. It’s a great honor to be around such good and loving people and I would love to see the entire church filled on this special day for me.

Greater St James Missionary Baptist Church

316 Madison Avenue

Las Vegas, NV 89108

11:30am-1:00pm

I promise we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled programming on the next blog. I have the Showtorious Disneyland Series finale as well as a little something about video games coming up before we go hardcore during a series on relationships. Right on time for breakup season; glad I never have to deal with that again. I’m going to put a ring on my girlfriend in short order because after all, she’s a keeper and all that Jazz!

Off to double check my ingredient list; I’m making red velvet cupcakes and some other stuff I’m not supposed to eat for my parents’ Superbowl party on Sunday.  If you’re wondering, I’m going for the New England Patriots.  If my team doesn’t win, NO NFC team deserves to win. That’s my story.

Till next time…. DA BEARS!

-Showtorious

Episode 16: Tingling for the Wrong Reasons

Keeping Up with The Khidashian

Episode 16: Tingling for the Wrong Reasons

I’ve got nothing, really. I just wanted to reach out to everyone and let them know that I haven’t forgotten about my Disneyland series. Episode 14.3 will be published soon; I’m just totally drained mentally at the moment. It’s been a weird week and frankly I don’t think my emotions are back in order quite yet.

I was telling Kia last night that while we had a tragedy and I *think* I have made peace with my daughter’s death, I still don’t feel right. I think it’s partially because besides the accident, everything else in my life is looking positive. I’m actually afraid because I’ve never had a truly positive streak happen to me before and I worry that it may not last. I mean, I’ve always been an optimistic person and always tend to have a smile on my face (with the exception of the last several days) but the things that went on around me and regarding me never seem to work out completely. It’s always been a ‘squeaking by on blessings’ situation as oppose to a true conquer of negativity. It’s so strange.

Seriously, everything is looking up and then my daughter dies? Then a few days later all my other problems seem to be clearing up as planned yet I remain in a constant state of disbelief, like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. My spider senses are tingling with anxiety. Hopefully this weekend of church and relaxation with my family straightens me out. I actually feel like my zodiac sign and it’s weird because I’m NOT the typical emotional Cancer type. I feel semi crazy right now and it scares me.  Not crazy in that I’m a danger to myself or anything; but crazy that my optimism suddenly feels more cautious; and by cautious, it feels like my optimism may very well be tainted. In that case I hope my spider senses are proven wrong and I can truly be at peace.

As for now I’m so confused; I just want to understand what’s wrong with my thinking.

Anyway, thanks for listening.  I’ll keep trying my best to figure it out. Much love — Showtorious

Episode 15: My Daughter, My Light, My Love. Rest in Peace

Keeping Up With the Khidashian

Episode 15: My Daughter, My Light, My Love. Rest in Peace

I cried all day on Saturday. From just before 7am until I went to bed, I was in tears. For just a short time at work and while over Andi and Eddie’s house was I not a mess that day.

That morning, I woke up to horrifying news. My unborn daughter’s mother was involved in a serious accident. My baby passed away. I lied there in bed, shaking as I read the initial messages. Her mom was still hurt and unable to speak at ease; also the thought of her having to be forced to squeeze our child’s body out in a natural birth scenario was stomach turning.

The tears came furiously. I yelled to myself to “Calm the f**k down!” repeatedly, but to no avail. In a matter of moments I was broken. I texted Kia and Eddie then I managed to gather myself to call my mom. She answered, I gave her the news. She maintained her composure and offered words of comfort that only a mother could provide her youngest son in need. We talked about 5 minutes and then she handed the phone to my dad. We talked about 10 minutes or so.  We spoke about faith, prayer and strength. By the time I finished speaking, I regained myself for a few moments. Kia called and I gave her the news and the few details that I had. I broke down again before advising that I would try to go back to sleep a while.

A few hours of tossing and turning later, I found myself unable to get it together. Constantly breaking down through the morning, I tried to hit the gym. Tears flowed down my face as I rode the elliptical with fury. I felt no physical pain or discomfort, only the tightness in my chest as struggled to keep my composure.

When I returned, I cooked a breakfast that was served with a half a bottle of wine.  I drank it fast, yet I could not gain a buzz.

I stopped by my parents’ house before forcing myself to work that night. Again I had chats with my parents but this time I kept it all in. I felt cold and numb to the world. This feeling remained as I made it to work that afternoon. I held it together as I greeted some of my coworkers, then choked up as I spoke to Tialai and shared the news… when I finally made it to my manager, I pulled him to the side and told him the situation, as I knew my work quality would likely be impacted. I had a full scale meltdown. My heart was hurting, my head was throbbing and I felt so incomplete.

I had difficulty speaking to anyone that day on the job. In fact, my conversational levels didn’t take a turn for the better until I saw my nephew Trevor, who really brightened my day. Eddie and Andi have been there for me for years, so when they offered to have me over for dinner I couldn’t turn it down. That night, I cracked my first smile all day. I needed that, as it was the slow beginning of the healing process.

 ***************************************************************************************************************************

Since that day, I’ve seen my little girl in all my dreams, newborn style. She had her mother’s cheeks and my eyes and lips. She had good mixed baby hair but baby an attitude that stated wholeheartedly that she was Daddy’s little girl.  

I keep asking myself, why me? Why did my baby have to go? Then I stopped and realized everything I’ve been learning since I returned to the church house. God has a plan for all of us. I can’t question it; for some reason He didn’t want me to meet my daughter physically, but he made it so that she would still be part of my spiritually. She’s here; she’s in my heart and she’ll never go away.

She was the motivation behind me getting my act together financially and spiritually. She was the reason why I took the steps that I had to take. She was the reason why I made the sacrifices that I did.  She is my reason for life. She gave me a reason to live, not to just exist, but to truly live! It’s reflected in my every aspect.

I am motivated professionally. I am in position to truly make moves in life.

Perhaps that was her job all along? To make me the man I always wanted to be. She shortened my fuse a bit to enhance my efforts to extinguish negativity. She gave me the strength to squash the nonsense in life; to eradicate people and things that were negative influences or just flat out unnecessary to my well being.  Aaliyah made me grow up.  Aaliyah made her father a better man; a better future husband for Kia; a church going, professional, family man who now has the ability to finally provide for his future!

She made me truly, extraordinary.

I wrote a while back about when times got tough I wish I had a Matrix that I could open and things would just seem better. Thank you Aaliyah; I owe my newfound healthy existence to you and plan on living my life as a celebration of yours. I dedicate everything to you, daughter of mine. Though I’m saddened by your premature death, I promise to eventually recover and I promise to keep trying to make you proud.

You ARE my Matrix. For without you, I would have never seen the light through my darkest hours. Gone, but never forgotten. I love you. Rest in Peace.