*Breakup Letter*

My Former Love,

I hope — you’re reading this alone. I decided to write this out to you, rather than do this on the phone. As you know, I articulate better when I type. This letter is to serve you notice, that you can no longer be my wife. You can no longer be my girl; we can’t even remain friends. I want my ring back now; this is where our relationship ends.

I expected this from other girls, but not from you, you were my queen. I’ve investigated many things, that I’m glad I haven’t seen. It’s funny— because I was true to you and loving to the core. Now I’m asking myself, how in world did I fall for such a bloody whore?

Not a whore literally, but you were mentally astray. I was down  for whatever, night, noon and every day. I was the one who soothed your pain; I was your everything. I was your knight in shining armor; Hell, I was your king!

I know you’ve made your choice; I just want to make things painless. Lose my number and address, and to me you will be nameless. I will never speak your moniker; I will never sing your praise. In fact, I hope you rot in Hell, and have traumatic days. I hope its just a phase and you LEARN from your ways…. nah– I take that back, I hope you die of AIDS! Your vision is so glazed, and yes, I’m so amazed… when will females like you discover that lying never pays?

I’m sorry; I kind of overstepped a boundary. I’d never wish death on anyone, no matter how dirty is their laundry.

I’m auditioning other girlfriends just like American Idol; I’m putting them through the tests of time, before I grace them with my title.  What I’m saying is that with you I’m done—- and this time it’s for good. I hope you enjoy you life alone, I’m off to Hollywood.

Sincerely Yours,



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