You’re the one who smiles, and likes to make people smile.
You have a hard shell that seemingly protects the thin layers of your heart that pumps blood so loving and thick that you feel invincible. Suddenly, the shell cracks, slightly. You hear things. You see things. You go into denial. You revel in the past. You try to rationalize these irrational things.
At times, things make sense, other times, they don’t.
So you question yourself. What did you do wrong? Another crack in your shell. Are you as a good a person as outsiders perceive you as, or are you a DEFECTIVE human being? Another crack. What if the perception however… is fake amongst some people. Not that you’re a fake person, but perhaps some of the people around you are say, questionable in character and maybe the problem is not you being totally defective, but perhaps a miscalculation, a flaw in personal judgment that allows a feeling of distrust around certain people.
There are some of the folks around you are 100% honest, open and real. Then there are the OTHERS. The OTHERS are jealous, coiled up snakes. They don’t want you to succeed and at the same time, they are afraid to bite. They aren’t cobras. They’re more like garter snakes, afraid to battle, afraid to come correct. They are cowardly snipers who lack even the most basic skill to never be caught. They snipe you from afar, but refuse to engage you on an adult tip.
You give the benefit of the doubt to them because the potency of positivism that flows through your veins is supreme, and you were raised better than to nitpick on rumors and petty nonsense. Instead of confronting situations head on by fighting fire with fire, you shield yourself. You have the ammunition to bring your detractors to their knees using their own methods, but your sense of decency won’t allow your to engage in that type of combat. So using the shell that incases your heart, you battle, deflecting negativity, all the while trying to rebuild the foundation of your eternal core.
Your armor however, can only do so much. Eventually it fails. Particle by particle, chip by chip, piece by piece.
Suddenly you find yourself deflecting with your wits, however you’re never on offense, just defense, as again you don’t battle those you love. Soon, your foundation begins to fall. Your heart is bleeding profusely. The supporters that are 100% with you tried their hardest, but fell in battle. As you’re brought to the ground, bleeding, tears running from your eyes, you look back… your foundation is nowhere to be found, it’s been destroyed.
Your eyelids close. It’s not fear that engulfs you, it’s the acceptance of your inevitable demise. You went in with peace in your soul… but you went out like a soldier; a warrior full of heart, full of passion. You only wanted to see the world smile, and you failed. Rather than achieving perfect harmony, you fall back into a shallow grave and are eventually drowned by the sea of your own love, that no one truly wanted.
No human is invincible.
No foundation of love however, is terminal. Your love can always be rebuilt; its just a matter of what type of materials you use to build it. Looking back, you ask yourself, what exactly should you have done different in the past to skew the time-space continuum into your favor. Would you have conducted yourself with more control? Would have said no, instead of yes? Would you have wholeheartedly trusted person A or person B, D or even J? Or should you have constructed the fortress that is your foundation with that, and that alone saying fuck person A, B, D, and J and just respect and love your foundation.. Because that is the most important thing?
Kind of ill to ponder on a Sunday night, huh? Seriously though. I’m ready to rebuild my foundation. I saved the pictures, and will always be cool with and love you all to death. We’ll still kick it, but we’re no longer a team. We’re no longer, a LEAGUE, and there’s certainly no JUSTICE. We’re individuals who have their own set of priorities and lives that need to be cherished first and foremost, without the distractions of pleasing each other or secretly plotting against one another.
Deep down though, I always knew that the merging of such powerful universes together would eventually tear us apart. I just didn’t think it would be MY universe to fall first, and MY universe is too fucking important to allow it to crumble into the black hole that WE ALL CREATED.
Perhaps one day we’ll all be as strong as a unit as we once were. Till then, like I said, I love you all, but my heart is hurting; I need rehabilitation, and you can’t provide it at the moment.
As my proverbial black cape falls to the ground, I’m signing off… not as the Batman but just me… Show’Chi.