Keeping Up with the Khidashian
Episode 10: “You got to know when to hold ’em; know when to fold ’em.”
Forget all that noise that you heard in the movies. In the Transformers that I know and love (more), the Autobot Matrix of Leadership was THAT device. Made up of the collective wisdom of all the Autobot leaders, the Matrix was not only the default method of information regarding Transformers past, but was also the weapon of mass destruction/solution to the darkest of problems.
Whether it was Unicron’s cause of death or the end of the space spore pandemic, using the Matrix of Leadership marked the end of catastrophic happenings.
Don’t you wish we all had one of those? I do. At the same time a wish for a magical cure all doesn’t make any sense on the basis of, well, it just doesn’t exist. *long sigh* Excuse me; I’ve been working on my breathing. Sometimes the key to keeping your composure is in the breathing.
Let me tell you, it’s hard right now. Those of you close to me know what’s going on. It’s a temporary crisis, but it’s a crisis nonetheless. I’m backed into a corner and am forced to take baby steps in getting my act together. You all know I have a child coming; that’s the blunt of my worries. I pride myself on being able to be a provider for my family and right now I can’t do it. I can barely sustain on my own at the moment.
In a perfect world, Kia and I would be living together, striving in financial comfort. My unborn daughter would come into the world without complications or debt. In a perfect world, hell, I’d have a second residence set up in Arizona to make my parental duties a lot easier. In a perfect world, I can sit down at a Margarita brunch on a Sunday with one my best friends to celebrate her birthday without wondering if I have enough gas money for the week.
You know, they say money doesn’t bring you happiness, but I big to differ. I have a great family. I have great friends. I have a child coming into the world. I don’t have a criminal record, I am talented, I’m liked and trusted in my industry, my job rocks, but I’m BROKE… so I can’t enjoy the blessings that I do have because I’m working myself to death in order to LIVE… how messed up is that?
Money doesn’t bring happiness? BULL SHIT!!!
Because honestly, lack of money is my ONLY problem right now and until I stop this financial bleeding I can never rest in peace. Wait, that didn’t sound right. You understand where I’m going though.
I joke about handling things the ski mask way due to my predicament, but those are just jokes. A lot of people wouldn’t put “LOL” behind claiming that they are going to rob someone because they aren’t joking. These people are serious. These mofo’s will shoot up a bank or a liquor store with no recourse and I feel their pain.
When it gets to the point where it feels that all hope is lost and you have absolutely nothing to lose its like, why not? At least in prison you don’t have to worry about having a room over your head, getting three square meals a day, not paying gym fees to work out and not having to keep gas in your tank. They even let you get on the internet and play video games in prison. Hell, when you really look at it other than watching yourself in the shower, prison life seems like a great alternative to free life, right?
Well, kind of. But not really.
The novelty of being a no good, lazy ass fuck up who lives off the taxes of others (Wait, I know people who are NOT in prison who live this way!) will eventually wear off.
Not only would prison life kill any of aspirations of being a good husband and father, but it will also tarnish the character that I took pride in building over these 32 years of existence. I’m a worker and a fighter who wants to be a provider, so fuck prison and fuck a life of crime. I’m much more valuable to my loved ones and society to give up and go bad.
Plus, I seriously don’t think I can live without ever seeing a live female…. Or without alcohol for that matter. P*ssy and Beer are like two of my favorite things to consume. Hey, I’m just being honest.
Life is like a big game of cards… I may have played all my high cards, but I still got a deck of 9’s and 10’s. I’ll happily pass on my jack moves, because I have a queen beside me who keeps me going strong. If I can get a flush of some sort or maybe even a three or four of a kind or even a two pair it’s a step in a right direction. My poker face may not be the greatest charade but it’s damn cute, and it deserves to smile without restriction.
As I sing gently….___________________________________________
You got to know when to hold ‘em; know when to fold ‘em.
Know when to walk away, and know when to run.
You know what LIFE, f*ck it… you win this round. I fold.
Here’s the thing about me though, I can take a loss with grace; I’m NEVER a sore loser. I’ll just challenge you again in something else. Hey, I’m an competitive dude. I may be a mediocre poker player, but I guarantee that I’ll own your ass in chess.
In chess, I am King. I may move one space a turn and it may be a long process, but I can go in any direction I want to when I set my mind to it. I may have to make moves and sacrifice a few pawns to get in the position I want, but mark my words; the queen and I will remain standing.
Checkmate is the only result I’m interested in. Checkmate is what I have planned.
I am Showtorious; and don’t you forget it.