Keeping Up with the Khidashian
Episode 11: The Triple Crown of a Successful Party
A celebration of all Winter Holidays, Christmahaunakwanzakah was made popular by me and Joab Carter in 2005. It was the party of all holiday parties and the venue was legendary. A mansion in the Lakes area of Las Vegas was the scene. That night, Jell-O Shots were tossed, beer and wine were abundant and mad shenanigans took place. It was the first official JoSho collaboration and we successfully completed the Triple Crown of successful parties.*
Two years later, we made it happen again, but on a smaller scale in our apartment. The culmination of the Christmahaunakwanzakah trilogy was in 2009; it was in the same two bedroom apartment and hosted 40 people, an infamous slide show, video footage, strangers crashing the scene and three rooms, with three different sounds. It was AMAZING.
This year there will be a 4th celebration.
My boy Carter is clear across country in North Carolina, so unfortunately I can’t call it a JoSho production. I do however still own the rights to my event planning company, therefore the 2011 Christmahaunakwanzakah Kickback will be a Showlympic Entertainment Event!
I’m taking a different approach to partying this year. We’re all a little older and some of us are more mature, so I decided to decrease the rowdy and increase the sophistication. Yes, Jell-O shots will still be an important part of the scheme, but gone will be the random guests, idiotic sidekicks and trifling individuals. Instead, I’m shooting for the well rounded party approach.
Imagine mingling while consuming finger foods and entrees, festive drink concoctions and desserts; Puffing away in a relaxing hookah & smoke room while enjoying the holiday sounds of Nat King Cole, The Temptations and others; Imagine organized party games and classic holiday movies flickering in the background adding a sprinkle of illumination to the dimmed ambiance while the smells of holiday spices and candles delight your olfactory senses.
Sounds fun, right?
Well, imagine having a custom tattoo done while this is all going down. Need I remind you where I work? I’m a VIP Concierge at the newest and greatest hotel in Las Vegas, where we specialize in just the right amount of wrong. In this case, the wrong will be so right and I can’t wait.
On December 17th, I’m hosting Christmahaunakwanzakah, Episode 4.
That’s all the details I can provide at the moment, but I just HAD to make that announcement official. The guest list is VIP only. Not that I don’t care for any of the non-regulars, but I need to know that if you RSVP, it’s going to go down.
The Triple Crown of Successful Parties is a guideline that goes back several years. Its typically an unwritten law, but when it goes down, it’s like a stamp of approval from the party gods that your event was truly a successful one.
While I’m shooting to be more sophisticated this year, I stand firm in wanting to achieve great success by this measuring stick. When I told Kia about it this evening, she has plenty of questions… so I’m here to clear everything up when it comes to the rules and scoring.
Triple Crown 101
As far as sex goes… if there is a tragedy that takes place, your party is disqualified. To elaborate: if a whore shows up at your party and ends up sleeping with your homeboy, who she gives an STD to. DISQUALIFIED!
If someone goes in and has drunken, unprotected sex and the consenting parties get pregnant: DISQUALIFIED.
If someone hooks up *unauthorized* in YOUR bed and you get pissed off: DISQUALIFIED.
Keeping it light people, but you get the picture. When ill shit happens to the sexual parties, it’s an automatic disqualification. No one wants to deal with sexual drama. If sexual drama spawns from your party, I’m sorry—I can’t give you positive rating, just on the morality tip.
Three years ago I wouldn’t care. Half of me still don’t care — because adults will do what adults will do. You can’t control grown ass people and shouldn’t try to bother. But if you’re a host over 30 years old and you’re actually trying to NOT have bad karma come back on you or have an ill party reputation for future functions, I wouldn’t boast your Triple Crown under these circumstances, especially to the suffering party.
Well, there’s nothing wrong with somebody passing out and this should be an easy score at any party. It’s as simple as somebody drinking just a little much but maintaining their limit, taking a nap and then going home peacefully later or the next morning. As a host, you should be ready to accommodate on the responsibility tip. Extra blankets and pillows are nice to keep around at any party for this very reason. The bottom line is if ALL of your guests can’t make it home safely, which is a prerequisite PERIOD for any successful party then you fail.
I think the diagram actually dictates the disqualifiers’ just fine. It can’t get any clearer. If someone hurls and fucks up the experience of you or your guests, then you get disqualified from Triple Crown contention.
And finally, a quick word about 40’s and Blunts.
40’s and Blunts rules are a set of guidelines inspired by a skit from the Enter the Wu Tang album by the Wu Tang Clan. In it, Method Man talked about the homies rolling through with 40’s and Blunts, sparking an impromptu party. While a 40’s and Blunts party is indeed classified as impromptu in some cases, when applied to an actual planned event it takes on new life.
40’s and Blunts parties entail more than 40’s and Blunts, of course. When applied to a planned function it becomes the rule to do a couple things.
One, it’s a flag that the party is indeed potluck style when it comes to the food. As a guest, you’re expected to bring a dish, whatever specialty bottle you’re drinking from and your own smoke stash.
And two, it may also signify a dress code clause. 40’s and Blunts parties typically are not themed and the dress code is relaxed.
As for hosting, it’s the party planner’s responsibility to cover the necessities. Mixers including ice, some alcohol, maybe an entrée and a few snacks in addition to a clean respectful venue and activities are expected.
Good, because Christmahaunakwanzakah 4 will have a whole new set of rules and regulations… LOL
Not bad for three posts this week, huh? I’ll be back to working on Chapter 6 of National Lampoon’s Bay Area Vacation tomorrow night. Baby pictures are coming this weekend too… Till then, make it a good one… or something.