Episode 13: Grown Up Christmas List

Keeping Up with the Khidashian

                                   Episode 13: Grown Up Christmas List

Greetings friends, readers and stalkers… I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving Holiday.

With the passing of Thanksgiving brings the welcoming of the Christmas season, my favorite time of year. No doubt, this year has been one of challenge and change. Started off melancholy and got worst, then incredibly better before taking a turn into the most struggling time of my life and now I see a silver lining to this recent cloud of negativity.

Unfortunately, that cloud won’t be completely gone by Christmas, but it still doesn’t stop me from doing everything I can to give back to my loved ones and others despite my personal problems. For instance, I plan on going down to the Las Vegas Rescue Mission next month to feed the homeless and needy as well as volunteering at Opportunity Village’s Magical Forest. I’ve worked the Magical Forest before, but the Rescue Mission is something brand new to me and I can’t wait to participate.

In addition to my volunteer work in the community I’ve been planning my second annual family brunch. Money seems to never work out in my favor around these times and I like to do things for my family. So taking a page out of Soul Food, I show my love by demonstrating my culinary gift and preparing a Christmas Day brunch, ensuring that not only will we eat well for dinner but we also start our day by eating like kings courtesy of Chef Chi.

 I have my fingers crossed that next year I’ll be able to do much more, but the constraints of financial complexity are indeed ominous. So much that it almost hurts when people ask me what I want for Christmas. Fighting back tears often, I joke with them about my wants each year, but honestly the thing I want most is peace of mind.

 In my position however, the only way I can obtain peace of mind is to get out of debt.

I’m not asking anyone to pay my bills, nor do I expect that, but if someone really wanted to do something special for me, helping me pay my attorney for me to file Chapter 7 bankruptcy would be wonderful.

Please accept my apologies for getting dark here for a moment, but I’ve always tried to pride myself on being honest in my blogs. Yes, it’s the first time I’ve been up front publicly about my troubles, but I truly don’t have the energy to be anything but real with you right now.

 I have a baby coming next year who is going to live in Arizona. 

The first picture :)
My daughter, as of Nov 17th.

All I want to do is be able to comfortably go out there for a couple doctor appointments before her birth or send for her after she’s born without having to struggle. She’s not even here yet, but I can already feel the pain of a parent who doesn’t live close to their child. It’s been torture having to miss the first several appointments of her mother’s pregnancy.  Let alone to not be able to afford to send for a DVD of her pictures or hear her heartbeat in person as opposed to through voicemail.

You see, my daughter is the primary reason for my concerns. With a Chapter 7 in the rear view mirror of my life, things will get significantly easier for me. I make decent money and am good at managing it. I can’t manage it however when it continues to manage me, so understand my dilemma.

This isn’t a call for charity; these are just my thoughts. I accepted full responsibility for my prior actions and am in the process of resolving them. Even if I don’t find a pro-bono attorney or get help from anyone, I will get through this, and it will be done completely before my daughter comes into this world. I owe that to her.

When I was young, my dad busted his ass to provide for our family. He worked days, nights, weekends and holidays and never complained. He never looked like he didn’t want to go to work and when times were hard he’d go the extra mile to see that our family didn’t have to struggle.

My dad was the provider and my mom was the homemaker. She emphasized school work over playtime and chores before fun. She woke up every morning to cook us breakfast and made sure we had lunch money/packed lunch and cooked almost every day. She also did laundry endlessly and was obsessed about our image that we projected outside the house.

Combined, my parents did a great job with my brother and me.

Now I understand that there may have been times of struggle for the family, but my parents never let us know about it. Every birthday, every rite of passage, every Christmas was filled with both intangible and tangible love. Even if it strained them to the very core, they always made sure than my brother and I always got what we needed and most of the time what we wanted and that it was never a burden to them to make sure we were happy.

I always made it a point to want to be like my dad and to continuously make my family proud. I’ve also always been a stand up guy who will not back down from a challenge.

It’s not going to be easy, but as I tell everyone, I knew the risk when I put the uniform on. I’ve fought for a while now living off of less than $100 a month (after a garnishment and bills, NOT including groceries), I’ve sold all of my jewelry, I pawned my iPod and sold my video games JUST to get gas in my car to go from A-B and By the grace of God I haven’t missed a day of work!

I have actively pursued a second and third jobs since things got dark. I may be eating ramen and ham sandwiches instead of steak and lobster, but I have a roof over my head and reliable transportation to keep pushing through each day.

So yes, times are hard. Yes, I’ve been on the verge of a nervous breakdown. But YES, I will overcome this problem in due time.

There are three things keeping my spirits and my mind together right now.  

Kia, who has been my ROCK and has also made sacrifices in her own life out of support for me. My job, for without it or the perks of being a part of VIP Concierge (“educational” free entertainment) I’d go stir crazy; and finally, Aaliyah Mystique … the mere thought of my dream coming true and becoming a father is magnificent.

I’m doing everything an expected father is supposed to do for his unborn child. Even if it means getting three jobs, eating ramen and wearing worn out clothes and shoes; when my daughter comes into the world, though there was an immense struggle during her incubation she’ll have no idea of it… the only thing she’ll know of it is the stories I’ll share with her because come the end of January, the game of financial chess I’ve been playing will be OVER and I can breathe again. More importantly, I’ll be ready to be the provider that I know that I’m capable of.

Shouts out to everybody going through it at the moment… just remember,  they say you have to walk through Hell to get to Heaven… my Crocs haven’t melted yet, so I will just keep on walking forward!  I hope I can inspire you to do so too. Keep your head up always and don’t be afriad to share your frustrations, or even shed a tear when needed. It’s going to get better, I promise.

2012 is going to be a good year. I have unconditional love in my life; I’ll have a new baby, new home and finally, a well deserved happily ever after.


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