Destroy and Rebuild: My New Year’s Resolution
A Keeping Up With the Khidashian Special Report
From my engagement dissolving before my eyes between Valentine’s Day and April to getting a good friend pregnant with my first daughter in the spring to meeting my bona fide match for life to going through the hardest financial period in my entire life to finally submitting and giving myself back to the Lord… sigh, needless to say 2011 has had its share of stories.
I’m glad it’s over, but at the same time I’m glad that I experienced it. I learned a lot more about the world; who my real friends were; how to love again, how to embrace my emotions rather than hide them and though I’m 32 years old, I grew up just a little bit more.
Lots of folks use the cliché that the New Year will be theirs. Honestly, I can’t do that. My 2012 belongs to Aaliyah; my daughter will be here in about three months. Her conception is the reason for me reformatting my entire existence to ensure that she has a good life when she comes into the world.
I have to admit it’s been a significant challenge. Each time I began picking up steam this year, something derailed me financially. I either got sick or some other madness took me off my game; the most prominent was a mistake I made back in 2005-2006 that revisited me in the form of a wage garnishment. It ruined my entire fall season and screwed up opportunities to be more of a part of my friend’s pregnancy.
2012 is all about rebuilding what I destroyed. There’s a bigger picture now.
In order for me to be the father, friend, and eventual husband that I need to be, I’ve had to spend the last moments of 2011 rededicating my world to fixing myself.
I ended up nearly unable to pay my rent, eat or even get gas to get to work every day. Ended up selling everything I owned of significant value for crack head prices and nearly had a nervous breakdown. Though that nervous breakdown never came, I sure did break down emotionally.
I broke down a couple times. I’ve always prided myself on not being a punk, but I cried a few times this year. I also learned that crying doesn’t mean you’re a punk, but it’s a built in tool to help you get stronger. My love Kia has been instrumental in my endurance.
In addition to helping me financially, every time I was falling apart or wanted to give up, she was there to hold me up emotionally. I have a Hero Complex. This basically means that I like to be Superman. I like to be the one that people turn to in need and I like to be the one to make sure everything is right. She let me know that it’s okay to want to do right by everyone, but it’s impossible to help or provide for ANYONE else until you get yourself right.
This advice was also echoed to me by my friend Michele. She was one the rare people I really opened up to this year. We had a couple little spats earlier in the year, but in the end she really defined what it meant to have a friend who was truly like family. I moved into the home that she helped build along with my boy Scotty shortly after Satin and I vacated our living arrangements. I didn’t have a bed and would have taken my bachelor mattress that I had been sleeping on the living room floor with since my break up. She offered me a brand new bed, and even dressed it for me the night I moved in.
Then when I hit my hard times, she taught me another lesson. It’s okay to accept help. I’m not one ask anyone for anything, but when I really needed it she stepped up and helped me out tremendously. Those details are between her and me, but she’s the reason that I am still employed at the moment. I am forever grateful to her; who like other rare individuals I am proud to call her a true friend.
In addition to being forced to develop a new financial discipline, I was also reintroduced to a missing piece in my life. I’ve never been a religious person, but Kia invited me to her Church one week and surprisingly, I enjoyed it. I haven’t become a full fledged member yet, but it’s been cool so far. Pastor is a colorful cat and unlike past experiences, nothing seems forced down your throat or intimidating. The people there are real family like as well.
I thank the Lord for every day I’m granted. I thank him for the lessons taught this year and I thank him for the opportunities provided to get back on track. It’s been grim this year, but at the same time I realize my blessings and am thankful for them as well.
Becoming disengaged was indeed a wonderful blessing, as it allowed me the meet the actual love of my life, Kia. There’s no ring and there’s no formal engagement yet, but GOOD GOD I plan on marrying that woman! Love you baby.
My job is still intact and I recently accepted a new position as a Marriott Platinum Elite Coordinator at the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas. I was also recently accepted into the company’s mentorship program so that I can FINALLY experience and learn the insides of bar management in a casino environment that will hopefully lead to a mixologist position, which for those who know me I’ve been working toward since 2008!
My mom was sick and in the hospital again this holiday season. She’s out and getting better now. That capped my wonderful holiday season, which included the successful return of Christmahaunakwanzakah and as I type, New Year’s Eve at the office.
I’m blessed that come the end of January my financial storm will be OVER. Short of a court trip likely in the middle of February, my Chapter 7 bankruptcy filing will be complete and finally, finally I can obtain my destiny to become Poppa Bear… father of my little Luv-a-Bull!
Daddy’s been through it in 2011 baby girl, so you’ll never have to.
My New Year’s Resolution is to be the best father, son, friend, brother, uncle, grandson, boyfriend, employee…. Man…. My resolution is to just be the best me as possible by any means necessary!
I am Khidashian, I am Showtorious, I am Show’Chi Drake… and my life is about to be AWESOME!!!!
Everyone have a happy and blessed new year. Much love to the world!!!