Keeping Up with The Khidashian
Episode 16: Tingling for the Wrong Reasons
I’ve got nothing, really. I just wanted to reach out to everyone and let them know that I haven’t forgotten about my Disneyland series. Episode 14.3 will be published soon; I’m just totally drained mentally at the moment. It’s been a weird week and frankly I don’t think my emotions are back in order quite yet.
I was telling Kia last night that while we had a tragedy and I *think* I have made peace with my daughter’s death, I still don’t feel right. I think it’s partially because besides the accident, everything else in my life is looking positive. I’m actually afraid because I’ve never had a truly positive streak happen to me before and I worry that it may not last. I mean, I’ve always been an optimistic person and always tend to have a smile on my face (with the exception of the last several days) but the things that went on around me and regarding me never seem to work out completely. It’s always been a ‘squeaking by on blessings’ situation as oppose to a true conquer of negativity. It’s so strange.
Seriously, everything is looking up and then my daughter dies? Then a few days later all my other problems seem to be clearing up as planned yet I remain in a constant state of disbelief, like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. My spider senses are tingling with anxiety. Hopefully this weekend of church and relaxation with my family straightens me out. I actually feel like my zodiac sign and it’s weird because I’m NOT the typical emotional Cancer type. I feel semi crazy right now and it scares me. Not crazy in that I’m a danger to myself or anything; but crazy that my optimism suddenly feels more cautious; and by cautious, it feels like my optimism may very well be tainted. In that case I hope my spider senses are proven wrong and I can truly be at peace.
As for now I’m so confused; I just want to understand what’s wrong with my thinking.
Anyway, thanks for listening. I’ll keep trying my best to figure it out. Much love — Showtorious