The Showtorious Relationship Series
Episode 1: Loving Yourself
Forget loving myself; there was a time in my life where I did not LIKE myself.
It was May of 2000 when I hit a personal low.
I’d been in a couple relationships where I got burned; I was out of style, out of shape and had no social direction. Those relationships were fresh out of high school, so I never actually got into the dating game. Yes, it was depressing. I thought I’d end up alone for the rest of my life because of my obscure social handicap. It was at that point in my life where I would need an intense personal evaluation.
Shortly after the latest breakup I went home to Chicago to get my spirits back and think about who I really wanted to be. I was always known for playing it safe and being conservative with EVERYTHING. I was a little overprotected growing up so I think it played a role in why I was so quiet. I didn’t play sports, I didn’t go to parties I was just THERE, going through the motions. I was completely unhappy. It was time to discover who I truly was and then embrace that person.
When I returned, I lost a little weight.
I trashed and replaced all my old clothes.
I also cut off my signature curl that I kept through most of high school.
I got my eyebrow pierced.
I effectively stopped responding to Wesley in public and filed for a legal alias.
I’d been writing for a while under the moniker The Showstopper and had marginal success. I also ran a web site, 2dope.com that was a full scale online magazine. I even had about 10 writers under me. We had wrestling columns, sports columns and my blog, all generating big hits; in fact without being listed on any search engine we broke the million hit mark in less than a year. It wasn’t too shabby. When I was writing, I was FREE to be me; away from the judgments of society and the conformity of the workplace. The Showstopper was technically me, unedited.
I slowly became more liberal with my before-hidden style of thinking. My speech pattern also changed. Publicly, I went from shy and mumbled to firm speaking, funny and confident. I liked who I became as an artist and considering where I wanted my life to go in the future it was time to embrace that change.
The smart, conservative and shy kid from Valley named Wesley died in 2000. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, the Showstopper re-emerged as Show-Wesley; the well rounded extraordinary man and precursor to the Show’Chi you all know and love.
The combined force of me no longer suppressing my personality along with honest to goodness common sense and the gentleman manners that my parents instilled in me transformed me into a social beast. I’ve never looked back. With the exception of my time being married, I was never considered a social misfit ever again. To this day, I never knew WHY I never embraced my artistic side; I halfway wish I did in high school, but I’m glad I did eventually because this side of me– the side I am right now is the true me!
The moral of this story:
Have you ever heard the phrase, you can’t love someone else until you love yourself?
I felt inadequate and unattractive. Instead of stalling out accepting mediocrity and unhappiness, I did something about it. If you don’t like yourself, then change. If you feel like you’re living under a false standard, eliminate that standard and DO YOU. The only judge that matters in the world is yourself and God. Do right by both of them and you’re on the right path. It’s only going to lead to confidence, which isn’t a bad thing. Ask anyone, a confident person is a SEXY person. Once you start feeling yourself, there are no limits on how far you can go because when you’re confident you won’t allow anyone or anything to bring you down. Yes, there may be times where you will be disappointed with life events, but as long as you love yourself the chance of emotional recovery is 100%.
Questions for self evaluation:
Who am I?
Who do I want to be?
How will I change?
What’s holding me back?
Only you can answer most of these questions. As for the last question, the answer is NOTHING.
Nothing is holding you back from improving and moving forward in life. You just have to put your mind to it and do it! It’s going to take hard work and sometimes substantial time, but it can be done. Believe in yourself. If you don’t, that’s okay. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Just remember that even though you may not believe in and love yourself, Jesus (or whichever higher power you believe in) does. Take solace in that and embrace it. It’ll eventually rub off.