The Art of Intimate Social Engagement; You Know, Dating.

The Showtorious Relationship Series

Love doesn’t grow on trees. It doesn’t rain down from the skies. It isn’t floating in the air. Love between people is manifested by social engagement. It’s not rocket science… it just dating.

Contrary to what most believe a first date doesn’t have to a complicated, over planned process. Jitters are normal as we all want to impress our potential mate, but at the same time it’s important to understand the parameters that need to be set in regard to the first impression and future expectations.  You also want to make sure that you don’t over invest in the first impression as it could either be a beautiful situation of a complete disaster.

Are you scared yet? Don’t be, that’s what I’m here for.

Episode 3: The Art of Intimate Social Engagement; You Know, Dating.

Sequence One: First Date Tips

The first date is the make or break for any relationship. If successful, it almost guarantees a second date; if unsuccessful it becomes more complicated as all ties could be severed immediately following or you could fall into the friend zone, which isn’t necessarily a BAD thing but if your intentions were not just friendly, it’s a failure under just another name.

Before setting your first date it’s important to make sure the object of you affection knows your intentions.  If you want to avoid the friend zone it needs to be expressed one way or another. Let them know you are serious about making them your future queen/king; even if you decide to take it slow and build towards that.

Look man, I can’t give you advice on how to make someone feel special. It should come natural if you’re really into the person before you. You can start however by being straight up with them. Be yourself and ask them for their company. The worst thing that can happen is a rejection. In that case, then cool—you can keep it moving.

If she/he doesn’t reject you however, consider that victory number one. To steal a line from one of my favorite movies, Hitch, she could have said no; so take solace in the fact that you’ve been granted at least a chance to earn their affection.

A first date should be a scouting mission. You want to learn how compatible you are within their presence and if you can operate as natural as possible while attempting to impress her. Do some research beforehand, ask her what she’s into; how she feels about certain things. Listen to her answers and let her dictate how to proceed, subtly.

This doesn’t mean make her plan the damn night. It means to allow her likes to integrate with your own to create an ideal scenario for both of you.  If the girl is lactose intolerant, don’t try to be cute and ask her out for ice cream. Vice versa, if you’re allergic to seafood don’t take her to Red Lobster and settle for one of their nasty ass non-seafood dishes JUST because it’s her favorite restaurant. You’re doing too much there. Instead try to be diverse with it. 

She’s into seafood, you’re into Mexican: this is what makes a place like Chili’s an ideal first date spot. Not only is Chili’s on par with Red Lobster in regard to quality, but it’s not going to break the bank for you. Yeah, it’s easy to go to the Blue Ribbon Sushi Bar and Grill on the first date and get the same happy median in regard to culinary experiences, but what if you aren’t feeling each other once you are together? You just spent $200 on a first date that lead to NOTHING. 

As a representative for the cats with average incomes across the nation, that’s half a car note or a cell phone bill and a half. Stop it.

The success of your first date should not depend on how much you spend on the date, it’s how the connection goes. For about $40 a party of two with diverse tastes in cuisine can eat well at Chili’s while sharing invaluable conversation with each other about each other. Remember, it’s a scouting mission. The best way to scout is to observe, listen and comprehend.  A $200 bill is nothing compared to a priceless conversation. Conversation SHOULD your primary function.

This is why going to a show or a movie is a bad idea on the first date. During each of those events, you may enjoy the physical presence of your potential mate, but you don’t have the opportunity to actually talk. Plus, it gives the date a main event that is not each other. I don’t know about you, but for me the main event for my first date is her mind. While it’s impossible to get to know every aspect of your mate on the first date, it does give you the opportunity to decide if this person is interesting enough on the inside to further pursue this relationship.

Tangent: Before we continue let me repeat a sentence, on your first date CONVERSATION SHOULD BE YOUR PRIMARY FUNCTION. You are trying to make a romantic connection. I’m talking to the guys here primarily when I say this. If you’re more interested in getting some kind of physical reward (sex) then you completely missed the point of this series. If it happens on the first date and it’s a natural progression and not a forced issue, then it’s a beautiful thing… if not, then if you truly care about your date then it’s something that doesn’t even cross your mind. End of tangent.

The first date location should be nice, but not overwhelming. It should be a place that you can be yourself and not feel pressured into something other than a conversation.  That said, what you wear on the first should also be nice, but not overwhelming. It should also reflect a tone that says this is me, take it or leave it.

If you’re comfortable wearing shorts and flip flops and the atmosphere allows it, then wear those items out. Ladies, if you wear heels all day at work and you feel like rocking a sundress and flat sandals, then do it. As long as you don’t look like a bum, then it shouldn’t matter what you’re wearing as long as you’re comfortable in it. If they aren’t digging you because you want to be comfortable, then remember the best advice in the world: F*ck em, you can do better.

I hope this information helps. To echo my earlier statement, I can’t coach you through the entire date, I can just help you get prepared. Sequence two will actually go deeper on the what NOT to do during courtship/dating. It’s important because honestly a lot of you bastards have no idea who who court a woman; and unfortunately due to the lack of good dudes out there, the women don’t know how to handle a guy who actually DOES know how to properly court. Yeah, it’s going to be a sticky one.

If you have any questions about first date preparation or execution email me at Showtorious@gmail.com or ask me on Twitter.

While you’re at it… follow me on both Twitter and Instagram… same name @Showtorious.

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