The Showtorious Relationship Series Episode 4.1
The Art of Social Engagement: Sequence Two – Gentlemen, Start Your Engines!
Thank you again for joining me for the Showtorious Relationship Series. In the last piece, we spoke on the first date and how to approach it. Today we’re dealing with the aftermath of that first date, which isn’t just the second date, but the build toward a relationship and how to sustain and thrive in the glory of one.
I know my audience is 95% female, so you may get a kick out of this one as it’s more directed at the 5% of dudes who read my work and the sometimes childlike ineptness of grasping what their role should be in regard to relationship maintenance. Its more than just “Good morning beautiful,” text messages every morning guys.
So you’ve made it through the first date and she hasn’t shut you out of their life. Congratulations, you’re not a total bum!
Now that you have their attention however, what are you going to do to follow up? Did you set yourself up to fail in the future or have you established that you’re about business and want to continue to build and sustain a potential relationship with the object of your affection?
I’d like to think that this series is common sense and that all gentlemen do these things, but from what I hear from my female friends, a lot of you bastards have NO IDEA how to sustain a relationship. Luckily I’m here to help you.
The dating experience should get better following the first date, not worse. If you started high by taking her to Blue Ribbon on day one, you had better be able to sustain that kind of expectation on a regular basis. If you can’t sustain it, then don’t open with it. First impressions aren’t about how much you spend; it’s how the connection grows. By emphasizing your status in the first date, you move the emphasis off of your personality to what you can bring materialistically. Ladies take mental notes much better than we do. It may not come up right away, but if your relationship grows, blowing your experience wad early is a direct source of future dissatisfaction.
“How come you don’t take me to nice places anymore?” – NOBODY wants any part of that conversation 6 months into your relationship.
Any time you make a major investment, you must be able to maintain it on the expectation level you established on date #1. I like to say that relationships are just like buying a new car. Regardless of the make, model and year you have to take care of it consistently if you want it to last; and like any vehicle I’ve ever known, as it gets more mileage on it MORE care is required to keep in good condition…. I mean seriously, you can’t start your ownership by putting premium 92 octane gases into it and then when you get sick of paying that premium cost, lower to that 87 octane shit. It’s going to fuck up the engine and cause problems down the line. Similarly, if you start off with swordfish dates then downgrade to filet o’ fish sandwiches, she’s likely going to give you problems too down the line as well, especially if she NEVER gets that swordfish ever again.
Guys, to keep things simple, I’m going to share with you my three tiers of relationship maintenance. As you know I’ve been certified as a Lexus Certified technician and sterotypically guys know a thing or two about cars; this is why I choose to give you this information as if you’re reading it in a new vehicle owner’s manual rather than a sycophantic blog on WordPress.
Tier one is the everyday maintenance, like giving your car fuel and keeping it clean. In a relationship these are things like regular communication, the occasional complement and making sure you are there to make sure she’s satisfied proactively. These are basic things; sweet nothings through text message, flower deliveries, a drawn bubble bath after a long day at work (followed by a full body massage) or even taking her out for dinner and a movie every once in a while.
These things aren’t optional; these are things that are mandatory to ensure positive short term relationship results. Without the short term goodness, it’ll never last in the long term.
The second tier of relationship maintenance is like your oil changes, fluid flushes and brake inspections. This is where you step your game up occasionally to ensure that your short term efforts haven’t gone to waste and to make sure that her smile isn’t fading while you JUST do the little things to make her happy. This is where you’ve saved up for a special evening at that normally out of budget restaurant; where you’ve treated her to a spa day with her BFF (which SHOULD be you, by the way) or where you’ve obtained VIP tickets to her favorite singer’s show whom which you’d rather hear your cat meow profusely than to listen to, yet you go anyway. If you really want to get gully with it though, try cooking for her. Of course, cooking for my lady is one of the basics, but I understand that a lot of you cats can barely boil water, so when you do decide to throw down in the kitchen (and PLEASE use a cookbook if you do!) it’s kind of a big deal. She’ll appreciate the efforts too… even if you do fuck it up and end up getting take-out; it’s the thought that counts.
Tier three consists of your major services. These are like tune ups and customizations. Major services are those once in a lifetime situations that you provide to continuously improve your relationship. They are important because they are not necessarily maintenance; they are actual relationship enhancers designed to take your existing circumstances to another level. These are the introduction to cohabitation, exotic vacations, diamond rings, engagements and weddings! You know, long term relationship upgrades.
I know there is a large portion of ladies who never want to get married, but let’s be 100 for a minute; MOST ladies want their long term beau to become their husband eventually. Yes, marriage is a big word, but on the real most ladies aren’t feeling a 10 year stint as your girlfriend and as a grown ass man you shouldn’t want to be referred to as anyone’s boyfriend… especially if you’re over 30. Common law marriage is 5 years of cohabitation, right? Dude, if you’re in there for more than 5 years and you haven’t even THOUGHT about putting a ring on it then you’re either a little too comfortable with the status quo or you’re just in denial. Marriage is beautiful; if you love her, wife her up.
Keeping things in perspective though, let me put it this way. If you’ve been paying a car note for 10 YEARS and you haven’t paid that shit off… what the fuck is wrong with you? If you do that to your female, you may find up having her repossessed by a real man, who’s ready and willing to make the proper investment in her heart. Just saying…
In conclusion guys… its easy to get her to smile. The important thing however is to KEEP her smiling. As her man, that is your primary objective. Regardless of what stage you are in your relationship, you should never let it become complacent or boring. That’s all I’m saying. Read the tips, learn the tips, use the tips and I wish you good luck in making that love connection last and last!
Ladies, I hope you enjoyed the laughs today. As you know however, relationship maintenance is a two way street so the next blog is for you! *Cue the dramatic music!* Till then, thank you again for stopping by.
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