The Showtorious Relationship Series Special Report: “A Word about Trust Issues”
Ladies, I’m not going to sugar coat this; so forgive me if what I’m about to share comes off a little harsh. All I ask is that you remember that I am on your side, regardless of how much I go in on you today. That said, you need to hear this.
A woman who expresses herself freely and can hold her own in professional and social atmospheres is a beautiful thing. As a matter of fact, that’s one of my greatest attractors; and don’t let her have a southern or Hispanic accent — oh boy, that’s my weakness! My apologies, I digress. As much as I love a woman with a strong mind, that same mind can be a gift and a curse if tainted.
Yes, the dreaded TRUST ISSUES situation. I touched on spiders of a tainted mind a few blogs ago, but it needs to be brought to the forefront again because this is one of the main reasons why most of you are incapable of maintaining a relationship.
Easy with the hate mail ladies, that wasn’t a shot by any means. I’m just speaking from experience. I have a lot of female friends and many of them have the same issues when it comes to guys. The problem is manufactured within a tainted mind, though. Let me put it this way; you think too much… for no reason. Everything is a damn puzzle; everything has to be questioned. These aren’t behaviors of somebody who has it all together, these are behaviors of insecurity.
Yes, insecurity. It’s not that you have a problem trusting guys, as you may be inclined to say. You have a problem trusting yourself in making a good initial decision on accepting a relationship due to your own loss of confidence.
I know; I have my moments of depth. For shits and giggles though, let’s look at this problem using more conventional logic.
I know us good guys are few and far between. I also understand that heartbreak is a horrible thing and can cause a loss of trust or confidence. My problem with trust issues though is that most of the time these issues aren’t directed properly. It’s not a matter of lost trust in the person who hurt you in the past; the distrust seems to always be lumped onto the entire gender. So when you do have a good man who is trying his best to do right by you, you tend to push him away because you THINK he’s up to no good.
Take it from your friendly neighborhood Extraordinary Man; being told that you’re too good to be true is complete bullshit. It’s like being told you’re fake when you really are a good guy. Confusing to some, I know… but for us logical cats, that’s a diagnosis for a crazy bitch.
Excuse the language; that’s not my style to call a woman a bitch, BUT you need to understand where that term comes from as it relates to the crazy bitches that are non-violent, but are still certifiably insane. Why, these chicks are probably even more crazy than the violent crazy ones because after they lose the good dude, they typically downgrade to someone who is a little more their speed; and probably actually does do bad things by them. Like actually call them out of their name, cheats and other ill shit.
I mean, seriously. You go from a king to a loser? If that isn’t crazy, I don’t know what is.
What if there’s a legit reason for trust issues though?
As if, you’ve been done wrong in the past, right? Let’s examine; first of all if this guy has been confirmed as a dead beat, meaning he’s mistreated you, cheated on you, beat you or whatever, why the fuck are you still with him in the first place?
Exploring further, if he’s known to be that way then why would he have a chance with you in the first place? The fuck is wrong with you? These questions have logic behind them; most of your reasons for carrying on with this dude do not.
What if he has history with sexual several of his female friends; how do you know they aren’t just bitches lurking in the background waiting for their opportunity or if they aren’t in reality his inactive fuck buddies? So what if they are? Every good dude has females who he’s had before or other ladies who want or wanted him at one point or another in his life.
The fact of the matter is NOW he’s with you and he’s faithful. If he hasn’t given you a legit reason to be concerned about your spot, then stop thinking about it!
Even if they are friends still, that type of former relationships shouldn’t affect YOUR relationship. As long as he’s indeed doing right and not neglecting you for them, then why bother giving these ladies a second thought?
Then, there’s the social media aspect of relationships that exists nowadays.
You’re stalking him on Facebook, checking whose page he’s posted on, going through his pictures and wondering how many Twitter followers he has have indeed slept with, then getting upset behind it. Again, if these things went down in the past and not currently going on while YOUR relationship is in play then why does it matter? AND on a side note, if he was indeed playing you why would he keep all the pictures public in the first place.
There’s nothing wrong with your man having female friends. Same deal for ladies having male friends. As long as the people who are in a relationship do right by that relationship, you know, not cheating, there is no problem.
I’ll give you a true example. I have a gang of pictures up on Facebook of exes, female friends and random hood rats on the street. It doesn’t mean that I’m holding onto some kind of nostalgia act or I’m messing with them. They are good pictures; they are nothing more and nothing less. They could also be up there because there are literally hundreds of them and nobody with the social and professional life that I have has the time to go through and remove that shit. Again though, they are JUST pictures. Smiling pictures from happy times of the past and good artwork; and besides, I look good in those pictures.
Ladies, if you look at a picture of another female on his page or witness your man ‘liking’ pictures of another girl and you get all upset, then obviously you feel threatened in some way by the former female. It may not be on some she’s better than me stuff, but it’s on that damn, he thinks about her still and it’s obvious because there are pictures all over his page. Stop it. Remember, these shots are with the FORMER FEMALE.
Not the current, not you. Not his queen who he takes care of emotionally, spiritually, romantically and financially… not you… but some old girl that he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about emotionally and probably hasn’t spoken to in some time. Yet, you’re hung up on her. Get off her nuts (goodness, I hope she don’t have nuts), you’ve WON. The guy is yours. Unless he gives you a REASON to be suspicious, leave your tainted thoughts OUT of your new relationship.
Consider that dead horse beaten.
As much as people like to say that all men are dogs, it’s just not true. Treat him as an individual; let him show you what he’s worth on his own merit and see if he knows and appreciates your worth as a woman. You might be surprised.
To be continued…Oh yes, ladies. There’s more.