Disclaimer: The following blog is not intended to cause harm, but to help. I don’t speak for all guys but I can speak for the good ones because I am the best in the world. So miss me with hate mail.
Dictated, not read. – The Management.
Contrary to popular belief, guys are not that complicated. Let’s put that out there right now. Not to be on some chauvinistic shit or anything, but females tend to make things complicated more often than we do. Honestly, guys are pretty easy to get along with. Also contrary to popular belief guys won’t just fuck any female who comes along.
Scratch that; most of us WILL fuck whatever walks and has a vagina.
It doesn’t mean that we’d involve ourselves in a relationship with them though. Yes, contrary to another popular belief, we have standards and expectations, just as ladies do. The main difference I guess is that most good guys don’t set lofty or a basic set of expectations; just realistic ones.
The definition of a good man varies so I’m going to go the route of me. I have a job, my own car, don’t live with my parents, I have dreams and goals that I’m working toward, a clean criminal record, understands the dynamic of a relationship, a great listener, a great lover and so on… I can go on forever about myself, but that’s not why I’m here. (The next column will be all about me though, like this one.)
I could also say that the only problems that I have is that my credit has issues and the fact I need to lose 60 pounds. Hey, I’m being honest. Otherwise, I am described by most of my female friends as one definition of a good man.
That said, as representation of our contingent, let me keep it real with you. (Forgive me, because I’m going to go far left for a moment before bringing you back; I promise however, that there is an on-subject point to the following rant.)
Good guys tend to have a hero complex. Not that we want to be a Captain Save A Ho (which I have been in the past), but good guys generally want to be able to take care of their woman. Taking care of their woman isn’t just about physically or spiritually. Taking care of the woman entails actually being the traditional man and holding it down as the head of household. That sounds dark ages, but it’s embedded in the heart of every good man. The desire to be a provider and lead the charge as head of a family is important. At the same time, a good man also respects that his woman may indeed have that role as well and that instead of hating on her, he would ENCOURAGE her to keep going and use her success as inspiration to build toward his own; ultimately to share with her.
A man who is threatened by the success of his mate is an insecure one; as we discussed before an insecure man is subject to become a cheating man. If a man CHOOSES to feel less than you, he’s either going to fall into a form of depression or he’s going to walk into a more comfortable situation, usually a drastic downgrade, so that he feels like THE MAN of the relationship.
Ladies, what I’m getting at is that no matter the status of which the actual head of household is, guys want to still feel like a man first and foremost. In order to make this happen it’s not a matter of treating him like your pimp, it’s about encouraging him and pushing him to become what he desires in life. If he’s down on his luck, running him into the ground about it is only going to make things worse for your relationship. I mean, there are positive ways to say, baby you need a job.
I’m going to run this scenario by you though.
Have you ever heard any of your friends complaining that all their man does it sit around the house playing video games, smoking and drinking. It seems that his only motivation to leave the residence is to get more smoke or when the new Madden game or Jordan shoes are released. Dude doesn’t have a job and doesn’t appear to want one. Meanwhile, she’s out busting her ass for 40+ hours a week, then coming home to cook and clean up after him?
Why she continues to stay with this cat is beyond me, but that’s a subject for a different day.
Ladies and gentlemen, this isn’t the case of guy who is simply lazy. That is what happens to a man who has been emasculated. He’s reverted to the mind of a child and is comfortable being taken care of. He often touts that he’s the king of the household to his boys, but in reality he ain’t shit… he knows he ain’t shit and he’s not trying to be shit… because he doesn’t have to be, for he has you, his second mother, who he happens to fuck… a man-child motherfucker, if you will.
Though he may have lost his manhood and seem happy with it, I guarantee you than deep down no real man wants this fate for his life. Truthfully this condition is a direct result of a lack of confidence or love for himself and possible neglect from the people who raised him and/or the woman he
lives with mooches off of currently.
Just as ladies deserve to be supported in all their hopes and dreams, guys need that times 10, as his success or lack thereof (to him) has a direct affect on his masculinity. I mean, a guy who can’t provide for his lover and family tends to feel like a bitch. Not like a woman, but a bitch. As in, a good for nothing, bitch ass nigga. (Excuse the language, please.) A guy who constantly feels like a bitch ass nigga is going to be depressed; follow me?
Guys like to be reassured that you not only have their backs as far as sticking with them through tough times goes, but are going to support them in getting out of their funk and obtaining their goals. We want you to let us know that you believe in us and that you are down to stand by our side as we attempt to make moves. People tend to be psychomagnatheric. If you treat someone a certain way there is a possibility that the subject can embrace the treatment, therefore react If you allow somebody to be a grown ass kid and not push them, it’s going to be that way…
Listen to the lyrics to Upgrade U by Beyonce. Granted, she’s talking about Jay Z who has his shit together but as you see, she’s down to do whatever to continue help build him up. Relationships are built and maintained by that stuff. When it becomes a one sided scenario, resentment sets in and the love can fade.
Of course if dude doesn’t actually HAVE any goals… then well, why in the blue Hell are you with him again?
As far as any other expectations, I respect my audience and understand that my lady readers have a lot more sense that my male readers, so why beat a that information drum again. I mean, other than ensuring that our manly ego is properly stroked, you’re all aware of the basics of relationship maintenance from a male perspective, right?
Okay fine… Chi’s Notes:
We expect proper, logical communication especially when it comes to a disagreement. As the more emotional gender ladies sometimes it’s important to check your emotions and communicate with LOGIC. No hurling insults or calling each other out of their names. Just good old fashioned opinions based on facts.
We expect you to give us a fair shake despite what you THINK you know about “all” men. See: A Word About Trust Issues.
Basic Personal Upkeep
See I’ll love you when your hair turns gray, girl
I’ll still want you if you gain a little weight, yeah
The way I feel for you will always be the same
Just as long as your love don’t change.- Musiq Soulchild
We all get comfortable in relationships; I get that. But don’t go off the deep end when it comes to the basics. You know me; as long as your lips are cool, breath doesn’t stink, your skin (especially your feet) is soft and your hair is manageable, I’m a happy camper. Not that my love will change, but it’s nice to still be sexually attracted to you, even after heavy mileage.
… and finally, fuck us often and fuck us good. Did you expect anything different? I told you we’re easy to maintain.
Questions, comments can go below. As always, follow me on Twitter and Instagram @Showtorious and for the hardcore Showtorious@gmail.com is my email address.
Until next time…