F*ck the World, I’m Taking a Break

I come to you live in a state of mental peace and tranquility; from a realm where blessings are embraced and as long as there is goodness in your heart nothing can be the cause of additional stress.

Ask me how I was feeling a week ago however and I couldn’t have told you the same. Living in Las Vegas and working in the industry that I do, sometimes I forget how to take a step back from life and just chill. It’s always VIP here, a party there. Pick up so and so and go here to meet up with what’s her face…

Even when I wasn’t busy being an industry rat, it still never seemed like I had time for myself. At home my mind was constantly racing; thinking of plans to get by and how to execute them. My writing became a mission as opposed to a passion and my social life began to slowly get out of hand. (This eligible bachelor life is a trip at times.)

My phone rings constantly as a reminder that things aren’t right. As much as I want to ignore the calls, I mentally accept them and any consequences that may come along with not physically answering. My mail remains unopened, as it seems that no one ever sends you mail for a good reason any more. Remember back when people sent letters through the mail to make you smile? Nowadays it’s more or less somebody trying to get into my pocket for things that my so-called insurance that I pay an arm and a leg for is supposed to handle.

It’s always a constant struggle. Struggle however does not need to be public, so I smile. Alicia Keys said it best, “Even when I’m a mess I still put on a vest with an S on my chest.”  I’m a super, well, I’m a super hero. Image is everything, right?

Believe that as much as you want, but that line of thinking will drive you insane. I felt that insanity knocking on my brain door; remaining in this familiar element would have ensured a catastrophe. A being can only live so long without air, and I was suffocating with no sign of release.

Queue the past week:

My friend Trainai and I went to California for a vacation. It was a celebration for her birthday and it was a means for me to escape Las Vegas and screw my head back on a little tighter. We had no hard agendas and no time restraints. Though we had ideas of things we wanted to do, the plan was just to blow with the wind and enjoy ourselves.

It was day three in SoCal that I really got myself back together. We visited a place in Beverly Hills called The Grove. You may know it as the place where the film Extra but I recognized it from 2009 when I visited the Marketplace next door for my MasterChef audition. The first stop in our Grove experience was like the Holy Grail of bookstores, a three story Barnes and Noble. Both active fans of literature, we felt like kids in a candy store. After a quick visit to the restrooms, we split up and adventured out on our own. I gravitated toward to the graphic novel section first and she took a stroll to another area. I picked up Justice League Origins, part of the New 52 line that started earlier in the year and fingered through it. My attention fully grasped by the magnitude of the store, I began to roam as well. Shortly, I found myself hovering in the poetry section, where I would envision my name amongst the greats. I even took a picture with the category in the background, having a little fun at the store’s expense.

Just around the corner from poetry was the mystery section, which brought another smile to my face as it reminded me of my friend Felesha who had shared with me a story of a dream she had where she was cracking murder cases in her neighborhood. That brought on a ‘this made me think of you’ text message.

After texting my friend, Justice League book still in hand, I strolled over to the built in Starbucks and found a seat near a window that overlooked what was an equally impressive Apple Store. After mental noting our need to visit there, I began reading. For the next hour and a half, I was fully engulfed in the DC Universe. From Batman meeting the Green Lantern to joining up with Superman and Flash, to the introduction of Cyborg and Wonder Woman, for the first time in a long time I lost myself reading. I had a phone conversation with my friend Katie right in the middle of my reading and Trainai even rejoined me during my read and we spoke for a moment, but I never got out of the comic zone that I was in.

I didn’t think of money, I didn’t think of work. Hell, I didn’t even think of the next hour. I was in uninterrupted chill mode; you know, like the way Peter felt in Office Space after getting hypnotized. I felt like that.

I kept that feeling for the rest of the day. Even when we were in the gridlock traffic on the way out of downtown, I remained in a good mood. Everything came back into perspective for me.

Things are either going to happen or they aren’t. Constantly thinking about problem resolution and cloaking your stress is no way to live. We all need a release. During this vacation, I became inspired again to essentially do me. 

When I continue my book rewrite, I have to remember that this isn’t for just financial gain; it’s for the LOVE of the art form.  Whenever I do something for myself, I also have to remember it’s not because it’s something that needs to be done in its own right, it’s something that is for my entertainment; to make me feel better when I’m stressed.

California trips, taking a time out to read a good book or watch a movie, cooking a random cake or pie, going out for drinks with friends for no reason, these are things I like to do for me and it’s supposed to feel good when I do them.  With all the hustle and bustle of industry life, these things that I like to do became a necessity and a task as opposed to just wanting to do them, which is probably why I was getting down on myself. They were no longer constructive releases, they became in a sense, extra work.

For the first time ever I blogged on a beach. My state of relaxation was so on point I had no time perception and ended up writing for three hours in a beach chair… three hours!  Granted the entry you’re reading right now is a complete rewrite of what I talked about in the beach blog but it was still amazing to be able to flow that way in that state of mind.

Going forward my plan is still focused on continuously improving my lifestyle. You win some battles and you lose some battles… when the losses seem to get too much to bear instead of just forcing myself to do something else, it’s perfectly fine to mentally check out completely and say f*ck the world for a while, I’m taking a break.

I’ll never use the acronym FML. I’m too blessed to ever say that. I love my life and all the intricacies about it and I just rediscovered another way to increase that love.

As always, eff the stress, love your life and continue to be blessed spawns. This has been the season premiere of Keeping Up with the Khidashian.

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