We’ve all experienced it. You know, that one single friend who appears to be cool as Hell. She talks to her friends on the regular, attends social gatherings and seems genuinely happy in life. Then all of a sudden she’s no longer single and things seem to just change.
Her platonic male friends are suddenly deleted from her social media and subsequently her life. Her girls, the very same who held her down for years are just contacts in her cell phone who she sees on occasion.
This is coming from a guy who has gone through it with female friends. Though I can’t speak on the ladies who have been through it with their male friends, but I’m sure you understand where I’m coming from.
The Showtorious Relationship Series: The Inferiority Complex in Relationships
There’s a HUGE line between being respectful to your mate and being controlled by your relationship. Your new relationship is no reason to end friendships that you established prior to entering it.
“My boyfriend doesn’t like me talking to other men.” Oh really now? Allow me to advise you of the actual truth…
Your boyfriend lacks confidence in himself as being your man; therefore he wants to forbid you from contact with guys who he feels are superior to anything he has to offer you. In some cases this is regulated to ex boyfriends who have become friends that he feels you downgraded to him from but in most cases, it pertains to all guys.
He perceives other guys to ‘want you’ and that they pose a threat to his status. In turn, you obey his demands; delete your homies from your life and then act like he’s everything and that he’s you need in life.
You end up missing your real friends, your home girls begin to faze you out of the clique and then YOUR KING has the nerve to act like an asshole because you’re in the house, bored, depressed and maybe gaining a little weight. Meanwhile, you begin to hate your decision, which you should because you truly shortchanged yourself.
The strong single woman we all knew and loved is dead… you’re just that dude’s bitch now.
Not bitch an in a derogatory term towards women but as someone who doesn’t stand up for themselves or allows themselves to be controlled… like a dog or in a prison “relationship,” that kind of bitch.
He’s not your true love, your king or even your prince; he’s an asshole with an inferiority complex.
That said; why is his inferiority complex your problem? Is the dick really that good?
The bottom line ladies, it’s just not healthy to make one person your entire friendship world. In your personal Universe YOU are the center of it; he should accentuate that universe, not hinder it.
A good man encourages his woman to be social, have friends, do what makes her happy and supports her fully in her every endeavor. He doesn’t forbid you to talk to, hang out with or be friends with anybody. A good man would want to meet your friends and family, not exile them.
A good man also KNOWS he’s a good man and is comfortable with his lady having her own friends and life, just as he has his own including those of the opposite sex.
I’ll take your flame mail at Showtorious@gmail.com … but I’ll trumpet this opinion all day.
Ladies, it’s perfectly healthy for your man to have lady friends… As long as he’s not cheating on you or making her more of a priority than you, who cares that he talks to and hangs out with other women?
Honestly, he could be getting advice about how to treat you better and needs another woman’s opinion. Lady friends are great assets to us. We can’t talk to our boys about everything. He could also be like be and just get along better with females; it doesn’t (always) mean he’s fucking them. In the event your dude is cool with another woman though, don’t hate on her. Shake her hand, try to get to know her and understand the chemical makeup of his and her friendship before judging her.
“I don’t trust any bitches though.” That’s YOUR problem, not his. You are the priority, but you’re overstepping your boundaries by making him disconnect from his female friends.
Remember that insecurity ERRRR inferiority complex I talked about with guys? Same logic… not every female is a bitch and not every woman wants your man.
Here’s the kicker though: If you pull that inferiority shit with most guys, they are not going to own it; He is going to both resent you and MAYBE cheat or he’s going to leave you… because traditionally, our tolerance for bullshit is a whole lot less than yours. You also conceded in a way that this other object of his friendship may be the better pick for a relationship with him and provided him an exit strategy.
See how guys think? You’re welcome.
I’m not saying that cheating cannot develop. There’s that group of folks who just can’t stay faithful if their life depended on it. They have something good at home but just can’t be content with one person. Some folks like to have their cake and eat it too, I guess… and some folks are just fucking crazy!
If you’re cheating or have a constant fear of being cheated on, then you’re really cheating yourself and should probably just stay single as you’re obviously not ready to trust or be trusted. Other people shouldn’t faze you whatsoever; if they do then it’s time to re-evaluate how you value yourself.
It’s a damn shame really; but it’s also another damn blog topic. I’ll be going in on in on cheaters on the next episode by the way. Until then, keep up with me on Twitter and Instagram @Showtorious.
Stick with me and you’ll never go thirsty again!