The Filet O’ Fish of Dating

Mighty Megatron, I swear my intentions were loyal to the Decepticon cause but— these females, these, female fleshlings have found a way to deceive my spark. My judgment may be off, but I may have been incorrect in my original assessment.

If you read that in a Starscream voice then you are AWESOME.

Starscream… yes, the ultimate toy version.

Insert theme song here!

Happy October spawns, and welcome back to another installment of Keeping Up. The last time we met, I was coming off a relaxing vacation in California, work seemed to be chugging along and I was enjoying single but dating life to the fullest.

A month later and nothing’s really changed. I think lost a few more pounds though. Hard to believe considering the weekend I just came off of. For educational purposes, the bosses put me up in a suite overnight and paid for my food and alcohol habit. Needless to say, I love my job.

See this?

D.O.C.G. Pizza
A Chocolate Chip Cookie Skillet

Yeah, that’s what was going down all weekend long. My home girl and I ate like royalty, calories be damned. As an added bonus, my people Joab and Diana were in town for the weekend as well. For those who don’t know it was Joab, whom I usually refer to as Tha Carter, who got me into poetry. Dude changed my life so I’m forever grateful. So I was thrilled to be able to host them at my hotel’s pool for the afternoon.

HUGE digression… There was a reason for the Starscream introduction.

13 years ago, I did a social experiment which ended up with me on 40 blind dates with women I met on the Internet. It turned into documentation, which turned into a blog, which turned into a full blown how to guide for online dating. Internet Dating for Dummies, if you will. I was paid $2500 for it.

Within the guide I spoke on what is successful strategy when approaching folks online, how to say certain things, what to expect and how to execute. I also proved my hypothesis that online dating is a legitimate source for meeting people. My ultimate proving point is that I actually married my 39th date… of course we got divorced after a year and a half, but it still proved that love can manifest from the Internet. Now, let’s fast forward to 2012….

We’re in an age where cell phones are as common to own as underwear; where you can share thoughts with endless numbers of people with the stroke of a finger and where unless it’s posted on Facebook, it never happened.

We also live in a world where one out of five relationships stems from an online connection. It’s both mind blowing and believable at the same time. For folks who haven’t done studies on the subject but are still socially active in the streets it may be considered taboo to sit in front of a computer and chat it up with folks who they view are just lazy.

For those however who are busy with careers, school, family or who just don’t want to deal with the superficial bullshit (especially in Las Vegas) that lurks in the streets however, it’s a perfectly viable option. Plus, if two people are truly honest about wanting a relationship, it’s a great way to get to know each other on the personality tip which is way more important than just looks. Pictures are usually provided anyway, so why not?

In the heyday of dating sites, companies like Love @ AOL, Yahoo! Personals, Excite Personals and Social Net were around. They were free services attached to each site’s account features and were able to be used at will. They imported pictures, gave you the ability to write about yourself and contact others that you may have found interesting. It was a great system. Granted, there were always a few assholes in the fray that mucked it up for some but the good outnumbered the bad people in general. The possibility to encounter an asshole was always there but hey, it’s not like you’re PAYING for this service anyway, so why complain, right? (Unless you were on AOL,—but that was technically your service provider in most cases.)

After the boom of free online dating, places like showed up and bullied virtually all of the free sites out of existence with their claims of higher relationship/marriage percentages and customized matching software. In reality though, it was just good marketing. The only difference with these sites is that now you’re dealing with higher level, desperate form of creep who has the money to toy with your self esteem and fuck your mind up about the opposite sex even more. In this case, you almost do better to just go to the bar and meet these jerks in person. At least the jerk at the bar will buy you a few drinks.

To this day and forever I will be against the machine that is premium online dating. Seriously though, the $40 that charges is half my single man grocery budget for a MONTH.

In short, I never considered another study in online relationships. I mean, if Match and it’s cohorts have the market cornered, what’s the point of going through the trouble?  Cats are picking up women on Twitter and shit nowadays. Pathetic, yes, but successful for some people so who am I to judge? I mean, it’s like the new MySpace *snicker*.

We won’t bring up the Showtorious MySpace history. That is a world better left dead… but maybe I’ll blog on it one of these days. My whole time/space continuum changed due to MySpace.

Low and behold,


Plenty of Fish or is the new flavor of the month when it comes to dating online. Here’s the kicker though: It’s free. Like, really free. Some sites offer free memberships but as soon as you complete your extensive, 20 page profile they stick you with a charge in order to actually contact people. Not this one… POF seems to be legit. Could POF be the killer?

I’ve heard the good, bad, and ugly from this website from my female friends. So much that it actually sparked my curiosity. Not on a hardcore level, because let’s face it.. I’m me. I have no problems meeting people in the streets. However, I get the twitch for freelance Journalism from time to time. I mean, I’m single and not exclusive with anyone… why not give it a try? Though I may not make an actual love connection, at least I can share stories about the insane females I meet on there, right?

Well, on Monday night I entered the site and set up shop, ready for the crazy storm to hit me.

I braced myself as each message appeared in the inbox. I thumbed through each of my matches carefully and contacted a few people. What followed absolutely FLOORED me.

There were no low esteemed crazy people with drama, no Ebonics speaking hood rats… just, good women. Queens who are educated, have goals, dreams and are holding it down on every level who are actually “looking for real love, whatever that is.”

Just, wow… needless to say I’m no longer skeptical of the online dating scene.  Not only has it been proven once again as viable option for decent people… I am actually kind of well… I’m smiling.

Smiling is a good thing folks.

The Relastionship Series on Cheaters is coming up like, Monday or Tuesday I promise. Don’t blame me for the delay though… blame the cookie.

I hope I entertained you all today. Feel free to check me out on Instagram, Twitter and MySpace O_0 @Showtorious…. you can hit me at gmail there too. Till next time.


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