Moment of Honesty

 

My words aren’t all there at the moment. Thoughts are deep, though. March 6th, 2014 I lost my mom. The ability to write has been difficult since then. The last rhyme I wrote was for her funeral; the vows at my wedding were improvised and straight from the heart. I have a lot of ideas but things just haven’t been fluid lately. So bear with me as I share this moment of honesty.

This is my attempt at making a comeback to what I love. Since I’ve been gone from the blogosphere, I’ve made some moves, so let’s catch up, shall we?

Though I put the startup of my non-profit organization on ice for the moment, I’ve excelled in other avenues. I’ve created a pretty nice hotel operations portfolio including becoming the de facto second in command in my department at work. They don’t call me commander as I would like them to but I can see from my team and other members of management that the respect is there. Never one to settle though, I’ve began the process of learning Mandarin Chinese and have started the planning for my own business ventures. My job is cool but I can’t work for people forever, after all.

I got married last July to the woman of my dreams. We planned and executed our own wedding and did it without any financial assistance from anyone. There were a couple of timing hiccups (my fault during the wedding day, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. Our Baja, Mexico cruise oriented honeymoon was pretty damn epic as well, despite being dead-dog tired on day 1.

After the summer we kissed the apartment life goodbye and moved into our first house. It’s a rental but that’s okay. Anything is better than paying $1100 for a month-to-month apartment deal clear across town from our workplaces. We were going to buy but refused to settle on something we weren’t completely in love with.

Katrina Starlight is about to be 11 years old on April 1st. She’s still healthy and happy. I think she’ll be around till she’s 30 to be honest.

I’m still struggling with my weight loss. Not for less than noble reasons, though. I still try to watch what I eat and I still regularly hit the gym. Thing is, my body feels like it’s been slowly breaking down. I guess that comes with old age. Sucks because I don’t think I’m ready to regulate myself to JUST doing DDPYoga to lose.

I go hard in the gym; probably harder than anyone in my weight bracket has any business going. The problem with that is that my mind says go-go and my body says to slow down. I don’t like slowing down. Since I don’t like slowing down, I experience setbacks and injuries. My knees suck, my spine is jacked up with a bad sciatic issue and apparently I have a trick shoulder that stops working at random times. Add that to my hip throbbing, neck tweaks and overall body pains and you’re looking at a 36 year old that feels like an 86 year old. My body has betrayed me and there’s nothing I dislike more than unwarranted treachery. I need a change.

My bloodwork looks good. Sugar is cool, liver is healthy, kidneys functioning right. I have no heart issues, no breathing problems, my brain is in good shape (anxiety is under control for the most part) I’m 36 years old, sucka free and I ain’t got a mark on my face… I must be the greatest!!!

So what the fuck is wrong with me?

I’m completely frustrated right now. Why? Well, that’s part of the reason I bring my mom up. To this day I STILL don’t know SPECIFICALLY what caused her to pass away two years ago. While she definitely had her share of health issues including diabetes, that’s not what killed her. I pondered that mystery ever since the day she left us. I share a lot of her allergies and I also share her struggle with proper weight loss.

I’m convinced that had something to do with it. I’ve BEEN convinced that has something to do with it. I’m also convinced that the systematic breakdown of my body has everything to so with my struggle with weight loss.

I’ll continue in the gym and continue to eat right. That’s not to say I can’t use a little help. I’ve always been an advocate of doing things the natural way.

I’m also a strong advocate of science. I’ve got to retake control of this situation. So I accept the terms I needed to accept and will do what it takes to make things right. My long term health is what Mom would have wanted for me. So I have a plan.

….body of mine, you shall learn the price of your disloyalty.

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Operation: Galvatron begins now.

All. Hail.

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