No Vaseline

The following entry contains details of a sensitive nature. Some of the contents within will be found disturbing and outright gross… I promised to keep it real with you through this whole surgical ordeal; today it’s as real and as raw as anal sex without lube… like, literally.

My apologies in advance; this is my story.

o-poop-emoji-ice-cream-facebookDays 10 & 11 for me have been bloody hell!

Pains levels are at a 7 and I’m completely miserable as I type this entry. “Show’Chi,” you may ask, “Why are you hurting?”

It’s not the surgery, the new stomach or my healing incisions that are causing today’s grief. The fact that I’ve only had one satisfying bough movement is KILLING your boy. Yesterday was day 10, post operation. It felt like I had to go all day long and I remained unsuccessful. I was so uncomfortable I even left work an hour early to get a head start on self-medication.

Back in the day, I could eat a scoop of ice cream and in 20 minutes fire off a serious load. Since I’m on a restrictive diet right now, Smooth Move detox tea and a gentle laxative was my go-to solution for the evening.

I took down the pill and tea and went to bed. This is day 11…

My hopes were to be disturbed by a bubbling stomach in the middle of the night to finally let loose. At 3am, BAM! We were in business… but not so fast. The sensations were there, but nothing was happening. I only felt the pain of trying to force something that was obviously not there from my colon.

I went back to bed, mad about the situation.

My life flashed before my eyes as I sat in the bathroom trying to breathe it out at 6:30am.

I became consumed with grim contemplation as I sat on the porcelain throne.

Was this how I was going to die? On the shitter like Elvis Presley?

Were my intestines going to start hemorrhaging and force themselves outside of my body?

It’s like I’m being pounded in the ass from the insides by my own body. Yo is this what anal sex feels like from a dude’s perspective? To each his own, but WHYYYY???

Holy shit…  Is this what natural childbirth was like for women??? I mean… how could anything be more painful?

Man, this situation hurt more than the surgery itself.

Finally, something gave and the mudslide took place… my goodness, the devil was alive in there.  By this time though, the damage had been done. I cleaned myself up and lied back down in bed, still contemplating life as I knew it. It’s the end of the pay cycle and I couldn’t miss work. I needed to call in sick. Though the beast got released, I fear I have wounded myself.  My booty hole felt like it had been violated without proper lubrication.

I ended up not calling in sick. The money talked too loudly. I got up and showered on got on down the road to work. I was a few minutes late, but hell I was traumatized. Still am; it hurts to sit in this desk chair.

I skipped lunch today…  I guess I need to go home and get ready for work tomorrow. Perhaps hose down my butthole with warm water in hopes the irritation fades and continue the laxative treatment, as much as it pains me.

I can’t wait to eat REAL food and get some FIBER in me on Wednesday.




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